God's Way to Fill the Basic Need of Being Special to Others

Scripture text: John 15:1-17

Everyone likes to feel special to someone. Sad, but during the holiday season many will contemplate suicide just because they have been hurt, rejected or were unable to fill this basic need. The world gives counsel and instructions on how to fill this need and people continue to end in failure because they will not put into practice some basic principles from the Word of God. The world says that one simply needs friends. The church teaches that we should rightly divide the word but most jump to the conclusion found in Proverbs 18:24. If one had been careful, he would have also read Proverbs 16:20, "...a whisperer seperateth chief friends." They would have also considered the dilemma of David's experience (painful it was) Ps 41:9, "Mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me."

The conclusion one usually draws then is to eliminate the number of friends and have only a few close friends. We need only look at a group of teenage girls to know how this will end. It is not long and attitudes of possessiveness develop. According to I Corinthians 13:5, genuine love is not possessive.

Marriage is the answer. It is the adding of the ultimate friend. How many young men and women have drawn this conclusion only to find heartache years later? If they had only looked into the divorce statistics and received the instruction of those over them in the Lord. Surely, they would have waited to find God's plan for their life rather than jumping into marriage with the wrong expectations.

Insecurity is the only monster being fed if we are looking to others to fulfill our basic need to feel special.

So, what is God's plan? He knows we have this basic need. How will we feed this hunger? What purpose do we have in this life? Did God send us to go and make friends? NO, God has called us to make disciples!

Disciples sometimes leave. They even left Christ. He asked Peter, "Will you go also?" in John 6:67. Peter answered, "thou hast the words of eternal life". What we share with a disciple is the truth of God's word. We do not make disciples of ourselves but of Christ. If a disciple leaves, it is sad but have not rejected us as an individual. They have rejected Christ. Demus left to follow the pleasures of this world in II Tim. 4:10. It is a sad thing for a disciple to decide to follow the world but it is their choice to make. We experience personal pain and rejection when we lose a friend. It hurts, whereas, a disciple that leaves must answer to God alone. We are not to take up an offence on behalf of Christ. He teaches us that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. He will not put more on us than we can bear.

Discipleship is based on love and giving. It is not easy to make a disciple of a friend because they often become offended at instruction. However, it is easy to make a friend of a true disciple.

If our focus is on making friends, we will probably not make any disciples or have any lasting friendships. I know this to be true due to personal experience. The prodigal son was a slow learner but he finally figured it out also. The world loves you and is your best friend as long as there is something they want from you that you have or they think you have. Once they use you up or figure out that you do not possess what they thought you had in the first place (whether it is influence, position, your support or vote, approval, physical things, money, or a need to use you for appearances sake) then they are gone and you are axed.

If we focus on God's plan of making disciples then we will be blessed with lasting friendships. I also know this to be true. God has blessed our ministry with individuals that we have helped lead to Christ and to His Church. We have been blessed to have the opportunity to minister to their needs during their spiritual growing years and have in turn found lasting friendships that are not based on how often we have the opportunity to be in each other's presence or any other desire to obtain from one another. We have an appreciation of one another and glad when opportunity allows us to be together. A true friend is not one that you whisper secrets to about neighbors, but is one with whom you may share the truth of God's Word. If you read John 15, you already saw that, in this our joy is able to be FULL.

The disciples that stayed with Jesus filled Jerusalem with God's teachings. The disciples that stayed with Paul are known as a little group that "turned the world upside down" (Acts 5:28; 17:6).

In the Book of II Samuel chapter 18 there is a story of a runner who wanted to run. A different runner was sent with the true message. The runner with much excitement to run wanted to run so much that he was finally told to go. He was so excited that he passed the runner with the message and made it to King David first. Read the account and notice what affect he had. Kind David's response included, stand over there. The runner with the true message came along and how was King David affected? The scripture says he was "moved". If we want to see others "moved", maybe we should see if we ran with zeal alone or if we ran with the truth of the message. (A partial truth can be dangerous and can be considered a lie).

Zeal was not the problem. We need more of it in the Body of Christ. The word of God declares in Isaiah chapter 9, "the zeal of the Lord of Host will perform it". Once again, if we rightly divide we will discover that we are admonished to learn that we need knowledge of the Word of God coupled with zeal (Romans 10). Several places in scripture encourage us to be zealous. We need a "GO YE" spirit and motivation but we also need the knowledge of the Word of God if we are going to expect a response that brings a "MOVING" experience. There is a song that goes like this: You gotta move, you gotta move, you gotta move, you gotta move. When the Lord gets ready, you gotta move.

If we are going to find fulfillment of the basic need to feel special to someone (God's way) then we must combine the two elements of the "Go ye" and "Teach" together. Be prepared for the long haul because making disciples is much like raising children. It takes time and effort. You cannot drop them like hot potatoes. The result is worth all the effort. You not only make a disciple for Christ but a true friend to make the journey more pleasant and rewarding.

John 15:11 "These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full."

John 15:15 "Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you."